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Mark Driscoll, of Seattle’s Marshill Church has ignited yet another firestorm of online debate, criticism, flaming, anti-bullying activism from his recent Facebook update.

In light of our ‘Manhood Matters’ group starting tonight, I find the subject very timely. The whole subject can be a landmine…no matter which way you step, you’ll probably set off something. I have found that the subject of manhood gets into quicksand when people start associating activites or certain cultural interests into explaining what is male or masculine. I have no interest in diagramming the modern male, I think that become pointless and distracting. Manhood can be expressed in the garden or the gym, on the stage or on the field. One can be a ‘man’ when single or married, poor or rich, with a degree of paper or a degree of dirt and hardwork. 

Masculinity isn’t about what type of sports you like or what type of transportation you choose to drive. It’s not about the numbers of hairs on one’s face, back or head. It’s not about eating meat you’ve killed or bought at the deli and it’s not about how much blood you like in your entertainment. Manhood isn’t defined by a woman or lack of a woman on your arm or the anatomical specifics of your genitalia. Being a man can’t be equated with earning power or the number of toys one has in his garage.

I believe being a man goes beyond being born male, just as being a dad, is more than ‘fathering’ a child.  Becoming a man is a process and it involves elements that are private and personal and aspects that only happen in relationship and community. Marriage and children are often tools for development of manhood but not the only tools. Many men have grown into full expressions of masculinity and not been married or fathered children…Jesus, being one of them. So masculinity cannot be narrowed down to the often idolatrous emphasis of ‘Family’ that is found in many churches. 

Part of our masculinity is grown in the fires of responsibilities that only intimate, committed relationships can foster. Manhood emerges in the crucible of action more than biology. One can ‘act like a man’ and cultivate the character building nature of manhood. 

“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” -1 Corinthains 16:13

With all of that said…I still think there is a critical need for mentoring in manhood. We all learn primarily through apprenticeship. We spend time with someone who knows something or knows how to do something and we do it with them. We watch and listen…we attempt to learn the skills of behaviors being modeled and in that way we grow. Fathers model how to live life to their children…as students follow teachers. We are all formed in this way both positive and negative.

Capturing elements of this formation process is what takes place in the christian idea of ‘discipleship’. In light of this understanding of ‘formation’, we gather together and pursue understanding and working out the process of growth that each man needs to face in order to become a mature man. Some of this work can be engaged in community with other men….it has always been this way and it always will be.

But in today’s ‘fatherless’ culture…we find many males struggling to discover what it means to be a ‘man’. We take our cues from conflicting cultural models or we wrestle with unearthing and discovering masculinity in our overworked, single mother led homes. Mothers are awesome but children need Fathers too. Many guys are hungry for help or long for relationships with men who they can unload the guy questions, share the struggle and pain and work together to become who God wants them to be. Finding a ‘circle of men’ that one can journey with is a gift worth working to build, it takes time…but the time invested is worth the work.

I hope in our Manhood Matters group, we can foster opportunity for meaningful relationships to develop among us. It is a step in the masculine journey not the destination. Who you are becoming is in God’s hands, these are simply tools He may use in the formation of Christlikeness within you.